How should atheists handle de-conversion?
It’s something of an unexpected side effect of my switch to atheism – while I mostly encountered criticism, in the last several months I’ve had more than five people contact me and claim that they too were close to leaving their faith.
It’s an awkward position for me. In my opinion, atheism is superior in every way to any religion – but I make a concerted effort not to turn my non-belief into a crusade. I don’t want to ‘de-vangelize’ anyone. In fact, this is one of the best things about atheism; I have no imperative to convert at all. A Christian is commanded to evangelize within their own Scripture. With each conversation, I simply stated that I didn’t proselytize. One of the basic elements of atheism is free-inquiry – and no one can ask these questions for you.
In my experience, most religious people, if they are looking to leave religion, will do so in the same way that they found it – by latching onto a charismatic person who will hold their hand during the whole daunting process. The herd mentality doesn’t die quickly or easily. In some of these conversations, I had the distinct impression that the individual wanted to put the gun in my hand – they wanted someone else to drive the death nail through their beliefs. I am not a killer of faith, but a proponent of intellect. I think confusing the two is the most common mistake atheists make when dealing with this situation.
One of the most effective questions I asked in these discussions was a fairly simple one: ‘Is Christianity sufficient in your own view?’ If they’re claiming that they’re ‘close’ to converting, in some way, it is insufficient to them. I let them air whatever grievance they may have, while maintaining a fair level of apathy. It’s a choice that needs to be reached on a personal level first, not a communal one, and the last thing I want to do is convey a conditional friendship – one that is contingent upon agreeing with me.
Concerning de-conversion, I am somewhat torn on two issues. First, as I can say from experience, leaving any religion is a difficult and lonely process at times. I really did not have anyone else who was a ‘mentor’ to me, so to speak, in my atheism. I often think my experience would have been easier if I had any like-minded friends alongside me. Do atheists owe it to their questioning friends to provide a helpful and nurturing environment? Secondly, I come back to the question I’m asked often – ‘Do you want people to stop going to church?’
Yes and no. I stand by my original assertion; atheism offers humanity true peace. There is no God to please, and no devil to fight with – no sin to atone for, and no penance to pay. I’d like everyone I know to experience this kind of peace, but realistically, I know it cannot happen. Do I owe it to my friends to make that choice available to them? At what point do I become every bit the missionary that they are?
As it stands, I hold to my current position. As people continue to come to me for guidance, I continue to put the burden of inquisition and action upon them. I don’t want to intrude upon the intellectual decisions of another – if someone invites me into that process, I should take it as a compliment, and proceed with respect and tolerance.
